How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
by tryin2BeGood
Summary: Based on How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days! RR OliverHermione
1. How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days

Authors' Note: Hey guys! Not enough Hermione/Oliver stories out there, dangit! Read and Review, please!!  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own anybody except Nick Stevens, Lara Carter, Kent Caraway and Sara Zombosnki.  
  
Summary: Oliver Wood needs a girlfriend for a week to impress his friends and family. He decides to use Hermione Granger, but he doesn't tell her the truth. What happens when Harry Potter finds out? Will Harry tell his loyal friend that her man is a player?  
  
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"Hey, every graduate head on to the Three Broomsticks! Butterbeer is on me!" Harry yelled.  
  
Day: June 15, 2005.  
  
Event: Hogwarts graduation.  
  
Hermione Granger, followed by the other graduates, walked into the large cozy pub.  
  
"I'll go find some tables for everyone." Hermione told Harry.  
  
Harry nodded.  
  
"Susan, Ron, you help me with the drinks," said Harry.  
  
Susan Bones and Ron Weasley, currently a couple, nodded.  
  
"OI! POTTER!" Oliver Wood, 21, yelled.  
  
"Wood? Is that you?" Harry asked.  
  
Oliver grinned and nodded.  
  
"Finally finished Hogwarts. Knew you would mate. Who is going to be the new Seeker on the Quidditch team, though?" Oliver asked.  
  
"Ginny Weasley. When Umbridge kicked me off the team, Gin became Seeker. She's pretty good." Harry answered.  
  
"Ginny Weasley...the girl you saved from the CoS?" Oliver asked.  
  
Harry nodded.  
  
"And current girlfriend," teased Hermione, walking up.  
  
"Come on, Mione, I never teased you and Ron when you two dated in sixth year!" Harry groaned.  
  
"Aw poor little Potter." Hermione giggled.  
  
"And you are--?" Oliver nodded towards Hermione.  
  
"Hermione Granger." She answered.  
  
"Didn't you use that charm on Potter's glasses to repel water in my final year?" Oliver asked.  
  
She nodded.  
  
"OK, Harry, nice to see your talking to a old friend and all, but all of us are kinda thirsty, and Malfoy keeps calling me a Mudblood again, so get his drink so I can put a nice little potion in it," said Hermione.  
  
"What potion?" Harry asked.  
  
"You'll see," said Hermione.  
  
"Nice seeing you again Potter," Oliver said.  
  
Harry nodded and said, "Yeah, you too,"  
  
Harry gave Hermione two bottles of butterbeer.  
  
One for herself and the other for Malfoy.  
  
Hermione poured a yellow potion into Malfoys' drink and handed to him with an icy glare on her face.  
  
He smirked and drank the butterbeer in one gulp.  
  
His hair turned neon green.  
  
Then it got neon yellow polka dots on it.  
  
Next his skin turned neon yellow with neon green polka dots.  
  
Everyone burst out laughing.  
  
Hermione was still strict, but she was quite the prankster, thanks to Fred and George Weasley.  
  
"What?" Draco Malfoy asked, confused.  
  
"Nice hair, Draco," called Michael Corner.  
  
Draco looked very smug.  
  
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"Have you got a girl to take to the dance this weekend?" Kent Caraway, chaser for Puddlemere united, asked.  
  
"No, Kent. Stop asking me!" Oliver said, over the laughter in the pub.  
  
"What is everyone laughing at!?" Sara Zombosnki asked, standing on her chair and nearly falling off of it from laughing.  
  
"Hey, Oliver, didn't you use to play Quidditch against that neon kid?" Sara asked through laughter.  
  
Oliver looked over and nodded.  
  
"Yep," he said.  
  
Lara Carter smirked.  
  
"Isn't he a Malfoy?" She asked.  
  
"Yes," answered Oliver.  
  
Lara saw Hermione and then her face became full of excitement and mischief.  
  
"What?" Oliver asked cautiously.  
  
"I happen to know Hermione Granger over there. You said you wanted a girl to impress your friends and family? Go after her. She's naïve enough to believe you would want her. After the dance, dump her." Lara said.  
  
"But I couldn't-" Oliver said.  
  
"Look, we all know any girl wants to be YOUR girl. You have charm that no girl can resist. Pretend you like her, then dump her. I've done it all the time. Trust me, it'll work!" Lara said.  
  
Oliver frowned.  
  
"You said you wanted to be captain of Puddlemere united, right? Well, if you can get this girl to fall in love with you in ten days, then you get my position as captain." Kent sighed.  
  
Oliver gave a cocky grin and nodded.  
  
"But my brother is-" Sara said, but stopped mid-sentence when Lara kicked her under the table.  
  
Kent and Nick Stevens shook their heads disapprovingly, but Oliver failed to notice.  
  
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"HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!" screeched Hermione.  
  
"What?" Ron asked.  
  
"I was supposed to go out with Aaron tonight! I can make it if I leave right now! I'll see you guys tomorrow!" Hermione said and left.  
  
She met up with Aaron Zombosnki.  
  
"Hey honey," said Aaron, hugging her.  
  
"Hey love," Hermione said, returning the hug.  
  
"Listen, I know we were supposed to go out tonight, but I have to a lot of papers to do. Sorry," said Aaron.  
  
Hermione smiled.  
  
"That's ok. Um....I guess I'll just work on a new article for The Daily Prophet." Hermione said.  
  
Aaron nodded and walked away.  
  
Hermione sighed and Apperated to the Witch Weekly building.  
  
* * * *  
  
"Has Lavender arrived yet?" Hermione asked, sitting at her desk.  
  
"No. Seamus broke up with her and she's been bawling all morning." Parvati said.  
  
Hermione sighed (she does that a lot) and frowned.  
  
"I'll go to her apartment and get her here." Hermione said.  
  
"Take these makeup samples just to make sure she looks ok," said Parvati.  
  
Hermione nodded and Apperated to Lavender's front door to her apartment.  
  
"Lavender, open up! It's me, Hermione!" Hermione said, knocking on Lavender's door.  
  
Lavender opened the door.  
  
Her eyes were bloodshot, her face tear-stained and she had a handkerchief in her hands.  
  
"Oh, Lavender!" Hermione said, walking in and giving her a hug.  
  
"I-I thought S-Seamus l-l-loved me!" wailed Lavender.  
  
"Oh, honey, his brain is made of dragon crap if he thinks you're to clingy!" Hermione lied.  
  
Lavender was a VERY clingy girlfriend.  
  
"Now you're late for work. I got some makeup to hide all traces of your tears. Wouldn't want to run into Seamus and please him to see what he's done, would you?" Hermione said.  
  
* * * *  
  
"Headmasters and Headmistress's? Hermione, you have to write about makeup, guys and fashion! When you've moved up to the 'write anything you want' then you can write about Headmasters and Headmistress's!" Kim Limari said.  
  
"But, Miss Limari-"  
  
"No buts!" Kim said.  
  
Hermione walked out.  
  
* * * *  
  
"So tell us what you did today, Miss Parkinson." Kim said during the journalist meeting.  
  
"Got up, ate a salad, went to the gym and came to work." Pansy said dumbly.  
  
"And Miss Brown?" Kim looked at Lavender.  
  
"Got dumped," mumbled Lavender.  
  
"Oh, how sad! OK, who would like to write about Lavender's love life?" Kim asked.  
  
Pansy raised her hand eagerly.  
  
"ME!" Pansy said.  
  
Pansy, thought Hermione, can NOT do this.  
  
"No, no, no! Please, no! Miss. Limari, please...." Lavender pleaded.  
  
"I'll do it!" Hermione said.  
  
"You'll what?" Lavender asked.  
  
"I'll write something similar to it. I'll right about how to lose a guy within ten days. I'll even DATE a guy for ten days doing everything a girlfriend should do to get a guy to dump her." Hermione said.  
  
"Brilliant, Miss. Granger! Brilliant!" Kim said.  
  
'Thank you,' mouthed Lavender.  
  
Hermione smiled and nodded.  
  
Kim left the room, followed by Hermione, Parvati and Lavender.  
  
"Ah, Lara! How nice to see you!" Kim said to Lara Carter.  
  
"The feeling is mutual, Kim." Lara said sweetly.  
  
"Lara, meet Hermione Granger. She's writing an article on how to lose a guy in ten days!" Kim said.  
  
Hermione blushed.  
  
"Is she now?" Lara replied.  
  
Hermione nodded.  
  
"How nice," Lara drawled.  
  
"I have to go," said Hermione.  
  
Lavender and Parvati nodded.  
  
"So do we," said Parvati.  
  
Parvati, Lavender and Hermione all walked away.  
  
"Tonight we will go to that new club in Hogsmeade to find the perfect guy." Hermione said.  
  
"What club?" Lavender asked.  
  
"Egyptian Vibe." Hermione answered.  
  
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Review, please! 


	2. Egyptian Vibe

Oh, my gosh! 50 reviews!!!! WHEEEEE!!! Thank you!!!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Hermione looked at her watch.  
  
"Lavender! Come on!" She yelled.  
  
Lavender opened the door and inhaled.  
  
"I don't think you should really do this. What about Aaron?" Lavender said quickly.  
  
"Aaron broke up with me a couple of hours ago. I was going to break up with him anyway. And this is the only way for me to get Kim to let me write about anything I want." Hermione said.  
  
"Fine, let's go." Lavender said.  
  
"Where's Parvati?" Lavender asked.  
  
"She's meeting us at Hogsmeade." Hermione answered.  
  
Lavender nodded.  
  
When they got to the club, Lavenders' jaw dropped.  
  
Hermione grinned.  
  
The building was covered in gold lights.  
  
It had brown silky text that said "Egyptian Vibe" across it.  
  
"Don't worry. I didn't enter yet! I wanted to wait for you two so we can see it all together." Parvati said, walking up to them.  
  
The three friends made their way into the club and they were completely awestruck.  
  
The walls were golden with light golden glitter all over them.  
  
The glasses were shaped like pyramids and female bartenders were wearing Egyptian dresses and the male bartender was wearing Egyptian outfits.  
  
The tables were covered in sand, but magically so it was not really there, you only could see it.  
  
Hermione, Parvati and Lavender got their drinks and began looking for a guy.  
  
"Oh, look at him! He's cute!" said Parvati, pointing to a handsome guy with dark brown hair, tanned skin and dazzling blue eyes.  
  
Hermione walked up to him and sat down next to him.  
  
"Hi. I'm Hermione Granger," she said, holding out her hand.  
  
"I knew it was you! It's me, Roger Davies." He said, shaking her said.  
  
"Roger! Are you serious? Merlin's beard, you look great." Hermione said.  
  
"So do you," he said.  
  
Then a girl with long dark hair walked up.  
  
"Who is this?" the girl asked.  
  
"Cho, this is Hermione Granger. Remember her?" Roger replied.  
  
"Oh. OH! Are you two married?" Hermione asked.  
  
Cho nodded briskly.  
  
"Congratulations. Well, I'll be going now," said Hermione quickly, walking away and bumping into Oliver Wood.  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
"Oliver, now is your chance! Just go!" Lara said, poking him hard.  
  
"Ow. Shut up, Lara. I don't know why I'm doing this." Oliver said.  
  
"Because you want to be captain." Kent said.  
  
Oliver sighed (they do that a lot, huh?) and walked towards Hermione, bumping into her on purpose.  
  
"Ah, crap!" Oliver said.  
  
"Lovely vocabulary, Wood." Hermione said, then she noticed she had spilt her butterbeer down her front.  
  
"Crap!" she cried.  
  
"Lovely vocabulary, Granger," said Oliver, voice-mimicking Hermione.  
  
She looked up into his brown eyes and knew....  
  
'You're the one,' she thought.  
  
"Would you like to go out for maybe some lobster?" Oliver asked.  
  
"Sure. Let me go tell my friends." Hermione agreed.  
  
"I'll wait by the door," he said.  
  
Hermione nodded and walked up to Lavender and Parvati.  
  
"Lav, Pav, I FOUND THE GUY! He's by the door---NO! Don't look at him-" Hermione said.  
  
"Oh, he's cute," said Parvati, breathlessly.  
  
"Mmm... He looks good enough to eat!" Lavender said.  
  
"Ugh! Whatever," Hermione said.  
  
"He's taking me out to dinner, so bye!" Hermione said and walked away.  
  
"Ready?" Oliver asked.  
  
"More than ready," Hermione said sweetly.  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
"So, tell me more about yourself. All I really know is that you love to study." Oliver said.  
  
"Well, I'm the only witch in my family and I work for Witch Weekly. The Daily Prophet didn't have any spots for me, and I wanted to become a journalist and write about Hogwarts politics and stuff. But, working for Kim Limari isn't helping any." Hermione said.  
  
"That sucks." Oliver said.  
  
"Yea, it does. So tell me about yourself." Hermione said.  
  
"Well, I'm Keeper for Puddlemere united and my friend Kent is chaser and captain, and I've been trying to become captain." Oliver said.  
  
"And bloodline?" Hermione asked.  
  
"Well, the whole clan are magical." Oliver said.  
  
Hermione nodded.  
  
"I bet Malfoy doesn't like that too much," joked Hermione.  
  
"Remember in your second year at Quidditch practice when the Slytherins' were showing off their new brooms and you defended us? You said all of us had pure talent, were you telling the truth?" he asked.  
  
"I never lie," said Hermione, blushing.  
  
"I wanted to pounce Malfoy after he called you a-"  
  
"Mudblood?" Hermione finished for him.  
  
"Yeah." Oliver said.  
  
"It's okay. He's been calling me Mudblood for as long as I can remember." Hermione said.  
  
"Wanna go to my apartment for a butterbeer?" he asked.  
  
"Sure," she answered.  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
"Nice place," said Hermione.  
  
"Thanks," Oliver said.  
  
Hermione looked around his apartment while he got the drinks and she let out a snicker at the thought of what she could do with this place.  
  
He came back with the butterbeers.  
  
"Can I use your bathroom?" she asked.  
  
"Yes. It's upstairs, first door to the right." He said.  
  
She went to the bathroom and put a silencing charm on it.  
  
She opened the mirror cabinet.  
  
"Manly products." She muttered.  
  
She called Lavender with her cell-phone.  
  
Lavender was Muggle-born, so she had a cellphone.  
  
"Hermione?" asked Lavender.  
  
"I'm in his apartment!" Hermione said.  
  
"Oh my gosh! Good luck, girl! What are you gonna do tonight?" Lavender asked.  
  
"Act simply irresistible." Hermione answered.  
  
"That's not hard. You're too sexy for him to resist." Lavender said.  
  
Hermione snorted.  
  
"Right. I gotta go," Hermione said.  
  
"Bye." Lavender said and hung up.  
  
Hermione walked downstairs and sweetly accepted the butterbeer.  
  
She sat on his bed and began patting a spot for him.  
  
He sat on his desk.  
  
She continued to pat a spot on the bed until she finally gave up once he patted a spot for her on the desk.  
  
She sat down next to him on the desk.  
  
Moment of silence till....  
  
She kissed him.  
  
Not a peck.  
  
Not a gentle kiss.  
  
Not a friendly gesture.  
  
A kiss that is normally shared between a couple that has dated for a while.  
  
He broke it off, gasping for air.  
  
"We're moving too fast." He said.  
  
"You're right. I'm sorry," she apologized.  
  
"It's okay," he said.  
  
She stood up.  
  
"I should be going." She said.  
  
"Yeah, it's late." He said.  
  
"Oh, by the way, when's your birthday? You never told me before." Oliver asked.  
  
"I turned eighteen a couple days ago." She said.  
  
"Um, well.... good night." She gave him a peck on the cheek and walked out.  
  
She was walking towards the Three Broomsticks to Floo home when she heard him holler, "Good night, Hermione Granger!"  
  
She looked up at him and blew a kiss.  
  
She waved and he muttered to himself, "She is falling in love with me."  
  
She muttered, "He's going to wish he were never born,"  
  
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R/R!!! 


	3. Day One Let the Games begin

A/N: OMG, OMG, OMG!!! So many reviews ^~^sigh^~^  
  
I LOVE YOU ALL!  
  
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Previous:  
  
She kissed him.  
  
Not a peck.  
  
Not a gentle kiss.  
  
Not a friendly gesture.  
  
A kiss that is normally shared between a couple that has dated for a while.  
  
He broke it off, gasping for air.  
  
"We're moving too fast." He said.  
  
"You're right. I'm sorry," she apologized.  
  
"It's okay," he said.  
  
She stood up.  
  
"I should be going." She said.  
  
"Yeah, it's late." He said.  
  
"Oh, by the way, when's your birthday? You never told me before." Oliver asked.  
  
"I turned eighteen a couple days ago." She said.  
  
"Um, well.... good night." She gave him a peck on the cheek and walked out.  
  
She was walking towards the Three Broomsticks to Floo home when she heard him holler, "Good night, Hermione Granger!"  
  
She looked up at him and blew a kiss.  
  
She waved and he muttered to himself, "She is falling in love with me."  
  
She muttered, "He's going to wish he were never born,"  
  
~****~****~****~****~****~****~****~****~****~****~****~  
  
Oliver woke up and remembered the night before.  
  
Who knew bookworm Granger could be so vulnerable? Oliver thought.  
  
He began cleaning his apartment and noticed her little handbag on the table.  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
"YOU LEFT YOUR HANDBAG!?" screeched Lavender.  
  
"Shut it, Lav! I left it on purpose," grinned Hermione.  
  
"Why?" asked Parvati.  
  
"Well, yesterday..."  
  
***Yesterday***  
  
"Special mail delivery to Hermione Granger!" called a dwarf.  
  
'I hate dwarves,' thought Hermione.  
  
"I'm Hermione," said Hermione.  
  
The dwarf handed her a letter that was in a, orange envelope and it had Rons' messy handwriting on it.  
  
Dear Hermione,  
  
As you know, Chudley Cannons excepted me and our first game is tonight.  
  
Two tickets to the game are enclosed.  
  
PLEASE COME, MIONE!  
  
Ron  
  
***End Flashback***  
  
"What's the seating?" asked Parvati, who had come to liking Quidditch.  
  
"Top box!" Hermione smiled.  
  
"I still don't see why you left your purse," said Lavender.  
  
Parvati groaned and shook her head, but Hermione tutted.  
  
"Lavender, Lavender, Lavender! Don't you see? Oliver is a Quidditch nut, and the tickets have been sold out for weeks! There is NO WAY he could have gotten tickets in time. And it Bulgaria versus the Cannons!" said Hermione.  
  
It slowly dawned on Lavender then she said "Oh! OH! OH!!!!"  
  
"AND SO THERE IS HOPE FOR LAVENDER BROWN!" cried Parvati jokingly.  
  
Hermione laughed.  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
"Maybe she LEFT your purse there so you WOULD look through it!" said Fred Weasley.  
  
"Yea!" agreed George Weasley.  
  
"No. She probably left it there by accident," said Oliver.  
  
"Accident? An accident is messing with Ginny Weasley cause she's mummy's girl," said Fred.  
  
"Nah," said Oliver.  
  
"JUST OPEN THE FRIGGIN' PURSE!" yelled George.  
  
A few girls who were peaking through the window looking at Oliver yelped.  
  
Oliver started changing shirts and noticed the girls staring.  
  
"Why hello!" he said waving cheerfully and giving a winning smile.  
  
The girls sighed.  
  
Fred shook his head and George snickered.  
  
Fred gave a goofy grin and said, "What if we just knock the purse over while it's open so the stuff will fall out?"  
  
Before anybody could answer, Fred and George lunged at the handbag, causing the contents to sprawl all over the floor.  
  
"What is THAT?" George held up a tube of mascara.  
  
"Dunno....AAAAAAAH!" Fred picked up a tampon.  
  
"I...I head mum and Gin---talking about these tampon things...!" Fred looked like somebody just shoved a picture of Serverus Snape naked in his face.  
  
George ignored him and began tapping Oliver on the arm.  
  
"QUIDDITCH TICKETS FOR TONIGHTS GAME!! Ronniekins must've given them to her," said George.  
  
Without another word, Oliver threw some Floo powder in the fireplace and shouted, "HERMIONE GRANGERS OFFICE!"  
  
He didn't step in though.  
  
Hermiones' face appeared in the flames.  
  
"Hello, Oliver," she said brightly.  
  
Lavender and Parvati were on the side, snickering.  
  
"You left your purse at my apartment last night," said Oliver lazily.  
  
"Oh, did I?" giggled Hermione.  
  
"Yeah. It fell off my desk and I noticed you got tickets to tonight's game," said Oliver.  
  
"I do," Hermione nodded.  
  
"So---"  
  
"Would you like to go to tonight's game with me?" asked Hermione.  
  
Oliver grinned.  
  
"Love to. I'll pick you up at 5:00." Oliver said.  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
Bulgaria had 200 and the Cannons had 210.  
  
The game has been going on for two hours.  
  
"HARRY POTTER HAS CAUGHT SIGHT OF THE SNITCH!" announced Lee Jordan.  
  
"Oliver, I'm thirsty. Can you go get me a drink?" Hermione asked.  
  
Oliver nodded and ran very fast.  
  
"FizzSprites. Large!" Oliver panted.  
  
He paid and ran back to his seat.  
  
"Ahh!!! NO! It's not DIET! Olie Wolie Wolie Wolie, pweaze!!" sounding like a baby, it was hard for Oliver to refuse.  
  
He ran back.  
  
"Diet FizzSprites! LARGE!" panted Oliver.  
  
"Diet LizzArts?" the counter repeated.  
  
"No, diet FizzSprites!" said Oliver.  
  
"Dats wud AH ped!" the counter man said.  
  
"Bah, whatever! JUST GIVE ME THE DRINK!" Oliver said.  
  
By time Oliver got the drink, everybody was leaving the stadium.  
  
Cannons won by 160 points.  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
"I can't believe you did that, Hermione!" said Lavender once Hermione told her and Parvati what happened the night before.  
  
"You know how much Oliver loves Quidditch!" Parvati sniggered.  
  
"Exactly," said Hermione innocently.  
  
The three girls laughed.  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
"That's just EVIL!" said Fred.  
  
"SICK!" George said.  
  
"And just plain wrong!" Oliver added.  
  
"What's that?" asked Fred, pointing to a cell-phone.  
  
"Hermione told me to but one. Says it'll be easier for us to 'talk'." Oliver smirked.  
  
Just then it rang.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hi, Olie Wolie Wolie Wolie Wolie!" said Hermione.  
  
Parvati and Lavender shoved their fists into their mouths to contain their laughter.  
  
"Wanna have dinner again?" asked Oliver.  
  
"My place," he added slyly.  
  
"OH! I'd love to," said Hermione.  
  
"Good," he said.  
  
"Come over at 6:00, ok?" he said.  
  
"Sure thing," she replied.  
  
They both hung up.  
  
"A date. HIS place," smirked Hermione.  
  
Lavender and Parvati grinned.  
  
"What are you gonna do?" asked Parvati.  
  
"Reorganize," said Hermione.  
  
"O....k..?" Lavender said.  
  
"With girly stuff. And as for his bathroom..." Hermione grinned.  
  
"Feminine products?" Parvati offered.  
  
Hermione nodded and laughed.  
  
*****-------********--------*******--------********--------******  
  
aaahhhh so much fun writing this! R/R! 


	4. Princess Lulu

"Olie Wolie?" Hermione knocked on his apartment door.  
  
"It's open," he called.  
  
She opened the door and smiled.  
  
He looked at her strangely.  
  
She was wearing a three quarter length dress that was white with pink and red flowers.  
  
Her hair was up in a kiddy half ponytail.  
  
"Hi, err, Hermione," he said.  
  
"Hi!" she giggled.  
  
"Dinner is almost ready, so err, yea," he disappeared into the kitchen and she went upstairs into the bathroom.  
  
She opened the mirror cabinet and removed all of his stuff, replacing it with tampons, maxi-pads, Bubbles Fizzy Whizzy Toothpaste and Foamy Woamy Smoothy Woothy Face shaving cream.  
  
She put a toilet lid cover on that was bright pink with Lockhart's face on it.  
  
She replaced his aqua blue toothbrush with a bright pink toothbrush with red bristles.  
  
She removed his shampoo and put SILKY HAIRS: EXTRA BUBBLES ADDED! shampoo down instead.  
  
She put a pink bath mat down and smiled, satisfied with her handy work.  
  
"Dinner'll be ready in five!" Oliver yelled.  
  
"Okay, honey!" she yelled back.  
  
She went down to his bedroom and replaced the Quidditch Weekly magazines with Witch Weekly magazines.  
  
Then she put pink stuffed animals on his bed.  
  
"Are you ready?" he called.  
  
"Uh-huh! The gangs' all here!" she yelled.  
  
She ran downstairs and removed the 50 Cent CD with a CELINE DION CD.  
  
He walked in and set lamb with carrots on the table along with two wine goblets and a bottle of red wine.  
  
Hermione looked down at the meat and burst into tears.  
  
"What's wrong?" asked Oliver.  
  
"It's----just---so----beautiful…………" she said.  
  
"So what's the problem?" asked Oliver.  
  
"I don't eat-----meat! Take it away, please! It's so saddening!" she cried.  
  
He quickly took it away.  
  
"So where do you want to go? I mean, I wasn't planning this, see……..I got a Muggle TV and a friend of mine who is at the Quidditch game going on right now was recording it for me so I could watch it here with you………." He said.  
  
"Hog's head inn," she said, "we could get drinks……." She said thoughtfully.  
  
"O…..k…." he said.  
  
She smiled and clapped.  
  
"Come on then!" she said happily, standing up and pulling his hand.  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
Hermione and Oliver were sitting at a table in the old pub Hog's Head Inn and Hermione said she had to go to the bathroom.  
  
She really went into the backroom to call Lavender, who was watching the Quidditch game from the room of the hotel she lived at, what the scores were.  
  
"Oh Herm, Bulgaria is beating Ireland by thirty points," Lavender said.  
  
"Okay then. I'll call you in ten minutes for an update!" said Hermione and she quickly put away her cell phone then returned to her table.  
  
Oliver looked at Hermione strangely.  
  
"What? Do I have something on my face?" she asked.  
  
"No," he answered.  
  
"Then why are you staring at me as though I'm a wax doll in a museum?" she asked.  
  
"I not," he said.  
  
She raised an eyebrow and slowly said, "Ok…….."  
  
Fifteen minutes later, Hermione told Oliver she wanted to head back to his place.  
  
"Already? Well, alright," he said and they both Apperated back to his apartment.  
  
Once they were in his apartment, she started kissing him fiercely.  
  
She pushed him down on the couch and kissed him again.  
  
"Does Princess Lulu want to come out and play?" she asked cheerfully.  
  
"Lulu? PRINCESS Lulu?" he stood up.  
  
"Why not Nimbus 5000 or Firebolt 3000?" he paced.  
  
"Those aren't pretty names, though!" she whined.  
  
"Erm………….It's late, maybe you should go?" he suggested, looking at the clock.  
  
"Hmph! Okay, Olie Wolie, if you say so," she said.  
  
With one last kiss, she apperated out and burst out laughing when she arrived at her apartment.  
  
"Oh you little boy, you!" she sighed to herself.  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
"It was going so well! Why'd she have to go and nickname my………my balls!?" asked Oliver, frustrated.  
  
"Well, mate, I'd say Hermione working 24/7 has finally gotten to her……… She's obviously bonkers……….." Fred said.  
  
George nodded in agreement.  
  
"I'm going to make her fall in love with me till she finally breaks and crumbles and—"  
  
"OLIVER!" Fred interrupted.  
  
"What?" asked Oliver bitterly.  
  
"Hermiones' owl is tapping at your window," said Fred.  
  
"OH!" Oliver opened the window and read the letter aloud:  
  
"Dear Olie Wolie, Wolie, Wolie, Wolie, Wolie Woo,  
  
How are you? Are you okay? It's a bit chilly outside today! Are you sure you're okay?  
  
Last night was wonderful, splendid and spectacular!  
  
I loved it………….  
  
It was just so………beautiful—" there were drops on the parchment, smearing the ink.  
  
Tears, thought Oliver.  
  
"And I can't wait to see you again!  
  
Yours truly,  
  
Hermione Granger"  
  
"There are TEARS!" said Oliver.  
  
"Say what?" George grabbed the parchment and looked disgusted.  
  
"Eurgh! Why do girls get so friggin' emotional?" asked Fred.  
  
"I don't know," answered Oliver looking out the window.  
  
"Why do they?" Oliver wondered aloud.  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
"YOU ARE SO EVIL!" laughed Parvati.  
  
"Princess Lulu?" asked Lavender, giggling.  
  
"What, not funny enough?" Hermione eyed Lavender.  
  
Lavender squirmed under Hermiones' gaze.  
  
"No, it's hilarious," said Lavender.  
  
"I KNOW!" Hermione burst out laughing.  
  
"You should have seen his face! Then he said Firebolt and Nimbus and crap like that!" said Hermione.  
  
Parvati and Lavender laughed lightly and shook their heads.  
  
"Oliver is going to break any day now," said Hermione.  
  
"Are you sure?" asked Lavender uncomfortably.  
  
"Yes, I'm surly sure!" said Hermione.  
  
"Ok…………." Lavender said slowly.  
  
"You worry too much," said Parvati to Lavender.  
  
Hermione nodded in agreement.  
  
"Time to plan the next 'attack'!" said Hermione.  
  
The three girls giggled and continued to eat their hamburgers.  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
"My first love You're every breath that I take You're every step I make  
  
And I I want to share All my love with you Mmmmmmh And your eyes They tell me how much you care Oh, yes You will always be My endless love Yeah  
  
Two hearts Two hearts that beat as one Our lives have just begun And forever I'll hold you close in my arms I can't resist your charms No no no no  
  
And I I'd be a fool For you, I'm sure You know I don't mind No 'cause baby you You mean the world to me, oh I know, I've found in you My endless love  
  
Do do, do dooo, do do do  
  
Whooooa And love I'd be the fool For you, I'm sure That you know I don't mind Oh, yes You'd be the only one 'Cause no-one can't deny This love I have inside And I'll give it all to you My love (my love, my love) My endless love  
  
Mmmmmh" – Mariah Carey, Endless Love.  
  
R/R PLEASE! 


	5. Black eyes

A/N: I finished another story, so I'm gonna work on this one and Return of Ginny Weasley now.  
  
Sorry it's been a while since I updated!  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
Hermione told Oliver that their next date was going to be seeing a movie at a Muggle theatre.  
  
She decided to see a movie he would probably like so she could disrupt his movie watching.  
  
She sighed then tilted her head, a small smile on her face but she had her lips together and slightly out.  
  
"You look happy," said Ginny Weasley, sitting down.  
  
"Oh, I am," said Hermione.  
  
"Let's see, T3 has nudity, violence and language... Everything a guy wants in a move. That's it!" murmured Hermione.  
  
"What?" asked Ginny.  
  
"Nothing. Just another thing I'm going to do to little Olie Wolie!" said Hermione.  
  
Ginny laughed.  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
"You look beautiful," said Oliver as Hermione walked out of the hotel doors.  
  
"Thank you," she said.  
  
She was wearing cream colored Capri pants and a blue net shirt over a white tank with white and pink flip-flops.  
  
It only took five minutes to get to the theatre and once they were seated and the movie was in starting up, Hermione started repeating "Oliver," again and again and again.  
  
"Ooooollliiivvveeerrr,,,," she "whispered".  
  
"Oliver," she said again.  
  
"I'm watching the movie, sweetie," he said, looking at the screen and not her.  
  
"Oliver," she muttered.  
  
No reply.  
  
"OLIVER!" she screamed.  
  
"Shut your woman up!" shouted a large man behind them.  
  
"You shut up!" yelled Hermione.  
  
Oliver looked uneasy.  
  
"Oh yeah!?" the large man yelled.  
  
"MY BOYFRIEND CAN KICK YOUR ARSE!" yelled Hermione.  
  
"OH!?" shouted the large man, standing up.  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
Five minutes later, Oliver had a black eye and was leaning against the wall outside the theatre.  
  
"Honey, I am so, so, so SORRY!" said Hermione.  
  
She really was NOT sorry.  
  
"It's okay, I'm fine," he lied.  
  
"No you are not!" she said.  
  
"I really am," he insisted.  
  
"NO YOU ARE NOT!" she shout-hissed.  
  
"I am, honestly," he said, looking at her with puppy eyes, though she couldn't see his chocolate eyes due to the purple swelling around his left eye.  
  
"It's all my fault! I opened m-my b-b-big mouth, when he's a big boy and you're still a little boy," she said, fake-sobbing.  
  
'Little?' Oliver's mind repeated.  
  
"Don't cry, sweetie," said Oliver cautiously.  
  
"Don't tell me to NOT cry!" she sobbed angrily, standing up and apperating out.  
  
As soon as she got in her apartment, once again, she laughed her arse off.  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
It's so short, you know? R/R if ya want to, 


	6. Guys night out

This chapter is Co-written with **AngelOfMercy86**

Oh…my….gosh! I am so friggin' sorry, people! Pleaaaaase forgive meeeee! I'm one of those authors that I HATE! Never updating stories! SORRRRRRYYY! I will finish this! And soon, I swear! Here's the VERY LONG awaited chapter! I noticed some of you kept me on the alert list, thanks guys!

Out of all my stories, this one has had the most hits and most reviews for such small chapters. Thank you, all!

I also acknowledge all the negative reviews, saying I was rushing things and putting the exact scenes from the movie into this story and leaving too many things out. I totally agree, thank you everyone.

Also…it's been two years since I updated this…and I just watched the movie a couple nights ago, so I'm 'refreshed!' haha!

--

"Ohh, mate!" Fred said as he looked at Oliver black eye. "Looks painful."

"It's not too bad." Oliver replied.

"I have never seen Hermione act like that before." George said. "And she was at our house an awful lot growing up."

"People change, I guess." Oliver said and the three of them walked towards the Quidditch meeting.

"Ah, Wood! You're here, let's get started!" Kent said.

After thirty minutes of discussing moves for the next game, a young witch knocked on the door and popped her head in. "A fire call for Mr. Wood," she said in her thick Irish accent.

"Make it quick," Kent said.

Oliver nodded and looked into the fireplace.

"Hi, sweetie!" Hermione said.

"Um…Hermione, I'm in a meeting right now." Oliver said.

"Oh, ok…I see how it is…Um, did you bring a sweater with you today?" she asked, ignoring the fact her was in a meeting. "It's slightly chilly outside."

"Hermione," Oliver said now getting impatient," it's seventy-five degrees outside."

"Olie! I can't have you getting sick on me! What if your immune system gets low" she choked with tear, "and you die!"

She pulled her head away from the fireplace with those final words.

Oliver sighed. "Well, let's get back to the meeting!" he snapped.

--

"I don't get her!" Oliver said. "One minutes, she's sexy, fun Hermione, and then the next minute, she's a lunatic!"

"Mood swings, my friend," Fred said solemnly.

"_Mood swings?"_ Oliver repeated. "No, these aren't mood swings."

"Then what?" George asked.

"I don't know. I don't even care! I just need to let this thing go one for one more week, and I'll be free of her…her…..insanity!"

"Who's insane?" Hermione asked brightly as she walked into his office.

Fred covered his mouth to hide his snickering as Oliver gave him a glare that would even send He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named running to his mummy.

"No one, honey," Oliver said.

"Oh, okay!" She said. "Look what I got for you today," she held up an awful polka dot cloak that was black and yellow.

"Um…it's lovely…" Oliver lied.

"Isn't it?" she smiled. "Look, I got a matching scarf! And then I also got this adorable cat today," she let the small scrawny Siamese out of her carrier and it jumped onto his broom case he had laying on his desk.

Oliver's eyes widened. "It's…so--"

"Is that even a cat?" George asked.

"Of course it is!" Hermione snapped.

"It doesn't look like one," Fred insisted.

Hermione opened her mouth to snap at him again but was interrupted by the cat suddenly coughing and wheezing.

"Oh, my baby!" She said as it hacked up a large hairball.

"Oh now I understand why it's so hair-less!" Fred said smartly.

"Aww! He's a puker!" Hermione said proudly.

"Yes," Oliver agreed. "Yes he is. On my nice broom case."

"Are you mad at him?" Hermione asked angrily. "How would you feel if every time you took a shower, you were taking a risk of hacking something up?"

"No, Mione! I didn't mean it that way." Oliver said.

"Yeah, Mione!" Fred whined, making fun of Oliver.

"Fine," Hermione huffed.

"So! Oliver, tomorrow night-your place?" George asked.

"What's tomorrow night?" Hermione asked.

"Guy's night!" Fred answered.

"Ohh…Guy's night, eh?" Hermione said. "Well, I have to get to work now. Bye Olie Wolie Wolie Woo!" and she apparated out.

--

The next day, Hermione thought it would be best to take a break from her mind games.

"Have you started writing your article yet?" Lavender asked.

"Yeah, I only have a little over thirty words," Hermione laughed.

"Well, _that's _good." Parvati snorted.

"Shut it," Hermione threw a pillow at Parvati's face.

"So what is he doing tonight?" Lavender asked.

"Guy's night," Hermione answered.

"And you aren't doing anything to him?" Parvati asked. "Guy's night is the perfect opportunity to crush him."

Hermione looked at Parvati and saw the say mischief she used to see in the Weasley twins eyes at Hogwarts.

"Perfect." Hermione repeated quietly and grinned evilly.

--

"Ok, boys! What have you got?" Oliver asked.

"Nothing. I got nothing!" Fred threw his cards on the table.

"Full house," Harry grinned and flashed his cards.

"Potter, always lucky." Fred mumbled.

"Well I'm out," George sighed.

"Me too," Fred replied.

"Same here," Oliver sighed.

Harry smiled proudly as he grabbed his earnings. "Well what next?" he asked.

"How about….."

**Knock, knock, knock!**

"Who could that be?" Oliver asked annoyed. He got up and walked over to the door. He slowly opened it and tried his hardest not to gasp when he saw Hermione's beaming face in his.

"Olie, honey!" she squealed.

Fred, George, and Harry snickered at Oliver's tormentor. Oliver tried his best to keep a straight face, but before he could even say anything, Hermione started skipping her way into the apartment. She waltzed up to the poker table where the three men were sitting now speechless.

"Harry Potter!" she screeched louder than a Mandrake.

"Y-Y-Yes?" he stammered.

"Did you take my Oliver's money!" she demanded.

"W-Well w-we were p-playing poker…..and I w-won," he answered.

"You give him back his money right now!" she pointed her finger at him.

"Hermione," Oliver stepped in. "It's fine! It's the rules! Potter won and we lost! No big deal!"

"B-But!" she tried to argue, but he just shook his head.

"What are you doing here anyway?" he asked.

"I just wanted to come see you!" she beamed.

"Yeah, but….I told you it was just gonna be me and the guys tonight," he said.

"I know! That's why I brought snacks!" she beamed as she handed out tofu on wheat sandwiches.

The guys took them and smiled a fake smile as they took a bite.

"It's…delicious," Fred lied.

"Mione, tonight is guys night…" Oliver said.

She frowned and tears formed into her eyes. "I see how it is…..you don't wanna see me!" she gasped. "You think I'm annoying!"

"N-No," he stammered.

She looked over to the side and saw the cat fall over after drinking out of its water bowl.

"What did you give it!" she shrieked.

"Ummm……butterbeer," he answered.

"That makes animals drunk!" she gasped in horror. She ran to the cat and picked it up. "Well since you obviously hate me….I'll just leave……**_FOREVER!_**" She then stormed out of the apartment.

"Way to go," Harry said with thumbs up.

"I know how you can fix this." Fred said. "Anytime Angelina wants to break it off with me, we go to couples therapy."

"Couples--?" Oliver smiled. "Yeah! It might actually work!"

"Well go after her, idiot! She's probably already home!" George said.

"Argh…dammit!" Oliver cursed running after her.

"Hermione, wait!" he called.

She stopped and turned around. "Yes?" she asked.

"I'm….sorry," he said. "Please don't break up with me…."

"Why not?" _This guy is desperate! _she thought.

"Because…you're wonderful!" he said. "We--We can go to couples therapy, too!"

"You know something," she said. "That might actually work." She put her finger on her chin. "I know the perfect person. I'll set up an emergency appointment!"

"Great!" Oliver kissed her on the cheek.

"See you later," she said, turning her back to him.

"Bye, honey." Oliver grinned.

--

NEXT CHAPPY: COUPLES THERAPY! MWHAHAHA


	7. Couples therapy and helmet hair

A/N: YAY! Before I posted chapter 6 my hits for the story was around **90** and now its over  _250_! YOU PEOPLE **_ROOOOOCCCKKK! _**YEA!

You all are awesome. Even the ones who hate this story rock haha

I was telling AngelofMercy86 (she's going to help me out with some of the chapters) that it's hard writing a story like this when it's based on these characters. Cause for this chapter, Lavender is supposed to be Michelle's character in the movie, and Michelle is the one who posed as a shrink in the movie, so it wouldn't work out! Unless I had her use a spell that would make her look different, but then it wouldn't be as funny when Olie finds out she's not a real shrink! Soooooooooo….Here comes a NEW CHARACTER THAT I ACTUALLY OWWWWWWN! Her name is Amanda Louis, okie? She's a Muggleborn friend of Hermiones' that works for Witch Weekly and Olie has never met her.

OK! On with the story!

--

"Now you are really dedicated to this, aren't you?" Hermione asked Oliver as she knocked on their _therapist's _door.

"Yes, Hermione." Oliver answered. "You know I would do _anything _to stay with you."

The door opened and a young woman, probably not much older that Hermione, answered the door. She was wearing a white robe and large glasses that resembled professor Trelawney.

"Welcome," she said solemnly.

Hermione smirked and her eyes widened at her friend.

"I am Mandy Loaz." she lied as Hermione and Oliver walked into the small apartment.

"How will you be paying for this session?" Mandy asked.

Hermione looked expectantly at Oliver.

"What--? Oh! Well, how much is it?" Oliver asked.

"Two hundred Galleons." she answered.

"Two hundred--Damn. All this for one session of _therapy_?" he finished his sentence with a scoff.

"See? Did you hear his tone?" Hermione said loudly. "How can we make this relationship work with a tone like that?"

"I see." Mandy said. "I'm sensing some pent up hostility, anger and…Oliver, when did you realize you were gay?"

"What?" Oliver exclaimed. "I'm not gay! I like women. That's just the way it is!"

"I see." Mandy said. "So, how are things between you sexually?"

"Oh we haven't even had sex." Hermione said. "He has a _little itsy bitsy _problem." she held her finger up and then pointed it down to exaggerate her point.

"Oh?"

"Yeah? Well the only time we've even _thought _abouthaving sex, you had to go and--"

"Go and what?" Hermione sobbed as she put Kleenexes under her arms. "I sweat when I get n-n-nervous!"

"She went and named my, my--" he couldn't say it.

"Your penis?" Mandy said.

"Yes!"

"Come here," Mandy held her hand out and Oliver reached over to take it.

"I see this happen many, many times. It's ok." Mandy said.

Hermione glared at their intertwined hands.

"Oh, would you to like to be left alone? How about you two go and get a room!" Hermione huffily said.

Oliver pulled his hand back so fast you would thing Mandy's was on fire.

"You're a pathological flirt!" Hermione sobbed. "See it? He's a pathological flirt!"

"Two minutes ago I was gay and now I'm a pathological flirt?" Oliver shouted. "Hell, I don't need to flirt with other women! You got enough personalities to keep me occupied!"

"Did you hear that? Hear the way he treats me?" Hermione wiped her tears. "When he found out I was talking to his mother…. He _freaked out_!"

"Do you have problems with commitment, Oliver?" Mandy asked.

"No, I don't! She went behind my back and talked to my mother!" Hermione sobbed harder. "Heck, you want to talk to my mom? Go ahead! You want to talk to my whole family? That's fine! We can go to Scotland this weekend and stay at their place!"

"I think that is a wonderful idea!" Mandy said.

"You…. Do?" Hermione glared at her friend.

"Yes, I do."

"Then let's go pack!" Oliver said, standing up trying to get out of that cramped apartment as soon as possible.

Hermione followed him out the door and looked back at her friend shortly. 'What the heck?' she mouthed at Mandy.

Mandy smirked. She could see the chemistry between the two and Hermione shouldn't let her job get in the way of life-long happiness.

--


End file.
